It's been a strange week. I've been thinking about life and death and suffering more than usual. I think when you face these types of things it brings those things into focus more. You just can't not think about the 'what ifs' in life. I felt more annoyed by the whole experience than anything else - just because I didn't like the lack of control that I was facing. I didn't really have a choice of whether I wanted to deal with it or not. I had to. I couldn't avoid it and that made me pretty mad deep down inside. I wanted to 'write my own ending' but just couldn't. I had to wait and worry and wonder with no control over the outcome.
Thankfully my outcome was good. I would be writing a completely different blog if it wasn't. I would be facing a whole different set of circumstances and questions and fears. I can't help but think about those who have the opposite outcome from their biopsies and pray for them as they deal with their questions and fears. I know God. I know He will be with me through anything. Maybe they don't. Maybe they feel completely alone and terrified. I pray that they come to know Him and His awesome love and comfort through their experience. I pray that God puts people in their paths to love and care for them and show them His love in very real and tangible ways.
I truly appreciate your prayers and concern for me through my big 'what if' these past few weeks. I know that this whole experience was more bearable and less scary because of those who love me and showed their care for me. I am very grateful. Thank you!
Psalm 94:18-19When I said, “My
foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was
great within me, your consolation brought me joy.
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