Results

I've posted on Facebook that the biopsy results came back and everything is fine.  I wanted to write a short blog too because not everyone has Facebook.

It's been a strange week.  I've been thinking about life and death and suffering more than usual.  I think when you face these types of things it brings those things into focus more.  You just can't not think about the 'what ifs' in life.  I felt more annoyed by the whole experience than anything else - just because I didn't like the lack of control that I was facing.  I didn't really have a choice of whether I wanted to deal with it or not.  I had to.  I couldn't avoid it and that made me pretty mad deep down inside.  I wanted to 'write my own ending' but just couldn't.  I had to wait and worry and wonder with no control over the outcome.

Thankfully my outcome was good.  I would be writing a completely different blog if it wasn't.  I would be facing a whole different set of circumstances and questions and fears.  I can't help but think about those who have the opposite outcome from their biopsies and pray for them as they deal with their questions and fears.  I know God.  I know He will be with me through anything.  Maybe they don't.  Maybe they feel completely alone and terrified.  I pray that they come to know Him and His awesome love and comfort through their experience.  I pray that God puts people in their paths to love and care for them and show them His love in very real and tangible ways.

I truly appreciate your prayers and concern for me through my big 'what if' these past few weeks.  I know that this whole experience was more bearable and less scary because of those who love me and showed their care for me.  I am very grateful.  Thank you!

Psalm 94:18-19When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Biopsy

So, I just found out about a week ago that I need to go in for a biopsy to check out an irregularity on my mammogram.  I know that tons of women have to go through this in their lifetime and I know that many women I know have already been through one.  Some have received good news, but some have not.  I am very hopeful that I will be in the first category.

When we go through these types of things in our lives, our belief system is challenged.  Not what we say to someone else who may be going through the same thing, but what we say to ourselves.  That deep down belief system - the unshakable one.  I believe in God.  I know He is good (don't I?)  I know that He will not give me more than I can handle (but how does he know what my limit is?)  So the questions start surfacing and my belief system is put to the test.

I sat in front of a pastor's wife this morning in church who has been going through chemotherapy and radiation for the past 6 months after being diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma.  She had very fine hair growing back under a cute black hat she was wearing.  She walked forward at the end of the service and her husband prayed for her as she sobbed - I'm sure sick and weary from all the treatments and fears she has been enduring these past months.  She has a teenage daughter and little 2 year old boy that they adopted.  I spoke to her after the service and she had such a vulnerable look in her eyes.  I know her belief system is being challenged right now too.

As I talked to her and looked into her eyes, I couldn't help but wondering if I would have the strength to endure what she is going through right now.  It all sounds so - - romantic? heroic? - - when the stories are told, but the reality is more - - terrifying,  grueling.  When you see the Facebook posts, read the blogs or watch the movies, it all seems strangely wonderful.  When you are living it, it all seems too hard.

So tomorrow morning I go in for the procedure and then I wait.  The nurse told me that if the news is good, I will hear nothing before the appointment day (10 long days later) - but if the news is bad, the doctor will call so I can bring someone with me to help me process what comes next.  The doctor told me that it doesn't look like cancer, but they have to do the biopsy to 'prove it.'  I'm thankful for that word of encouragement.

I always hesitate to post these very personal things - I am a pretty private person for the most part.  I haven't shared this with many people.  I just know that sometimes we need to share - sometimes we need other people to know what we are going through - sometimes we need support and prayer.  I also know that sometimes others need to hear our stories because they are going through something or have gone through something too and they need to know that they are not alone.  So I guess I needed to share for my sake and maybe for yours too.


2 Cor. 1 (Praise to the God of All Comfort)
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Meeting Nick - The Lemonade Maker

Both of my daughters took some track-racing lessons this summer at the local velodrome.  I was there twice a day on Mondays and Wednesdays for a few weeks.  I saw an older man in a motorized scooter there often.  I just assumed he had a grandchild that was also involved in the lessons.  He looked a bit 'rough around the edges' and you could tell that life had not been easy on him.  I would usually just smile and say a kind word to him in passing.  I often offered to let him have a spot in the shade where I had found a reprieve from the hot summer sun, but he usually declined.

One day I said something more than just a kind word.  Something that started him talking.  It wasn't at all easy to understand him.  He had a hard time speaking his words clearly because of his Parkinson's, but for some reason God has gifted me with the ability to understand people that others often can't.  I have to listen very closely and sometimes read between the lines, when I miss a word or two.  Maybe it's because I just love to hear people's stories and so I am able to give my undivided attention to what they are saying.

So he began talking and sharing his story.  He lives at the nursing home close to the velodrome.  He doesn't know anyone who is in the biking program, but he wants to get out and frequently visits the track to watch the races.  Sometimes he comes out several times a day.  He has to cut through a neighbors yard to get there and mentioned that they don't like it very much.   He talked about his wife dying on Father's Day of this year.  He talked of a son also dying a few months earlier.  He shared that he had Parkinson's and just three years prior had to go into the nursing home for care because he no  longer could care for himself.

He had pictures in the front basket of his scooter and quickly got them out with his very shaky hands to show them to me.  They were mostly pictures of family and the wooden lawn ornaments that he crafted and sold - even still he has someone do the wood work for him and bring the pieces in for him to paint & assemble.  He talked about each picture as I looked through them one by one.  This man did not let the grass grow under his feet.  Even in his physical condition - he is out and about.  He refuses to let the circumstances of his life or any shyness over his condition to keep him down.

As I talked with Nick he inspired me.  He showed me by his simple stubbornness to not let life weigh him down that life is what we make out of it.  You know the old saying - "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."  Well Nick is definitely a lemonade maker.  His stubborn Pennsylvania Dutch heritage has served him well.  He probably frustrates the people at the nursing home who are trying to look out for him - I have a feeling he can be quite non-compliant.  He noticed when some of his special T-shirts went missing after laundry day and had them track down who was stealing them (yes - someone was actually stealing and selling the T-shirts because they were old car shirts that have some value to them.)  He was scolded for taking his scooter across the busy highway just out front of the home, but he wasn't deterred from doing it again.  At his age and in his condition, he is still taking risks and pushing the boundaries.  I love it!

I really enjoyed getting to hear Nick's story.  He led a very full and active life and did many interesting things - like drag racing (back in the day when they had it at Dorney Park) and restoring an old "Woody" car for a friend.  I'm so glad that I took the time to stop and listen to him that day.  I only hope that if one day I am old and confined to a scooter, I will have the same kind of spunk and stubbornness to be a lemonade maker like Nick.