Did you ever wonder why?

I didn't exactly have a perfect life.  I saw, heard & experienced a lot of pretty horrible things in my life.  When I was married I parted company with my parents because I needed to in order to survive.  I lived with guilt over that for many years, but as I look back now I can see that it was the right choice even though many people didn't agree with it.  I wonder why though - why did it have to be that way?

As a mother I have no mother to call to ask advice from or a grandfather for my son to spend time with.  I feel very alone in many of the major issues of life & I can't help but wonder why?  I know it sounds like I might be having a pity-party and maybe I am a little bit, but that's not really what's going on.  I just struggle with why?  Why didn't God put me in a different family?  Why don't I have a better foundation for my own family?  Why does it seem like I'm always swimming up-stream?  Why does it seem like I'm fighting for my very life some days?  I wish it could be easier, nicer, better - and so I wonder why it isn't.

Don't get me wrong.  I have wonderful days too - days when I see the good things in my life - my husband, my kids, our home, my friends, God's grace in my life.  I love those days.  I wish for each day to be one of those days, but they aren't.  Why is that?

Well, I think I've come up with some answers to my whys.  I know that this is not a perfect world (duh!) and that there is a lot of dysfunction everywhere - not just in my life.  I know that  I contribute to my own issues because of my stubbornness, my unwillingness to change my bad patterns.  I know that life isn't really supposed to be easy - it's supposed to challenge us, grow us & stretch us.  I know that life is only a small part of our existence - the Bible calls it a vapor (a bit of steam that you see for one second & it's gone the next.)

When I really come down to the answer for my whys, it comes down to this:  God wants to be for me everything that I need.  If I need a father - He wants to be that for me.  If I need a friend - He wants to be that for me.  If I need advice - He wants to counsel me.  If I need a shoulder to cry on - He wants to comfort me.  If I need strength to make it through the day - He wants to provide that for me.  If I need a break - He wants to give me rest.  A favorite verse of mine from the Bible is found in Matthew and it says - "Come unto me all you who are weary and weighed down and I will give you rest."  So, whenever the whys start to overwhelm me and weigh me down - I know where to go to find wisdom and comfort.  He doesn't always answer my whys - but He always gives me rest.