Carol. Funny, it's the first time I really thought of her name - the meaning of it. Carol. Music, a beautiful song, a Christmas Carol (she was born very close to Christmas.)
I have known her for many years. It had been a few years since I had seen her. We used to go to the same church. She was a music teacher - Carol. She taught voice and piano lessons. How fitting for someone with the name Carol. When I sat behind her one Sunday she turned around and told me I had a beautiful voice. Knowing her experience and expertise I felt honored by the compliment.
That was many years ago. She also loved to have gatherings at her home. Tea parties with pots of many varieties of teas and delicious food to accompany it. Her home was warm and inviting, just as she was. I loved those gatherings. She was a kind and strong woman and I enjoyed being friends with her.
In recent years life changed for Carol. She was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer. That dreaded word that we never want our doctor to utter in regards to our health. Yet her doctor had to tell her that she had cancer. She fought it bravely for several years. She was beating it until she wasn't anymore and it was beating her. Still she fought to the end.
I recently ran into a mutual friend of Carol's. She said that even though Carol was unwell and things were coming to an end, she and her family welcomed visitors. She encouraged me to go and see her. I knew I was supposed to. I felt it in my heart.
Finally I messaged her daughter and inquired about a good time to visit. She said come anytime it was convenient for me and that I would be welcomed. So, I did. I drove over on a Friday morning to their summer cottage. It was small and quaint and looked just like a place that Carol would want to live.
When I walked in I met her husband in the kitchen. He looked worn and sad. He said he was tired of seeing her suffer. He said it was his job to fix things, but he couldn't fix this for the woman that he had loved for over 60 years. He wanted her to be done with the suffering, but he didn't want to lose her. Their 60th wedding anniversary was in a few weeks and he knew that she would not make it to that milestone. I hugged him and prayed with him. Prayed for peace and comfort for his heart.
Her daughter and granddaughter were caring for Carol in the front porch room. When it was no longer safe to stay with her husband in their bed because of her frail condition, they had cleared a space on the sunny front porch for her hospital bed. She enjoyed the sunshine and seeing the trees outside of her fully windowed room. When they were done caring for her, I was invited to visit her. They said she was very weak and tired and probably wouldn't talk much. I was fine with that. I just wanted to see her and sing.
God had impressed on my heart that what would bless Carol the most was singing, so I had thought of some hymns that I was sure would bless her heart. I walked in the room and saw her. I can't say that I was shocked by her appearance, but I was deeply touched. She was frail, quiet and worn. I have never sat with someone so close to their last breath. I was honored that even at this point of her failing health her family would allow me to sit by her side and share in her final days of life. I was struck with a deep sense of duty to honor her life and sing to her songs that she had probably sung countless times before, had taught others to sing and play. It was humbling and moving to my very core.
I began by singing Great Is Thy Faithfulness and as I watched her pale face framed with only a small tuft of hair and heard her soft shallow breath, my voice caught several times. "Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided, Great is Thy Faithfulness Lord unto me." I knew that she did not have many mornings left. I realized that if she could sing, even in her suffering, she would sing those words along with me. I saw her eyes flutter open briefly and her mouth move as if she were trying to sing along.
I sat and I sang. Song after song. How Great Thou Art. My Jesus I Love Thee. It is Well. Jesus Loves Me. Oh How He Loves You and Me. Many more. Her husband sat on the porch for a time and glanced up when I paused. "She's listening" he said. "She can hear you. Keep singing." So I did. I realized I was singing for him too and her daughter and granddaughter sitting in the adjoining living room. I finished singing and prayed over her. I said "goodbye" even though I didn't know if she was aware of my presence. Her eyes fluttered open. She looked at me. Her mouth moved and a few faint sounds came out. I knew she was saying "Thank you" and "Goodbye."
I sat with her daughter in the living room for a few more minutes. She showed me a scrap of paper that her mother had written some songs that she would like to have sung at her service. One of them was Great it Thy Faithfulness. I knew. God had sent me. God had urged me to go. God had given me the peace to sit with her and sing. It was Him, singing through me to His daughter who was only days away from joining Him in her forever Home.
She is there now. With Him. Healed and whole. Praising her Lord and Savior and able to sing to Him in person "Great is Thy Faithfulness O God my Father!"
